Thoughts on Jessi Slaughter and Online Bullying

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I’m not sure what to make of this meme, in part because the entire thing confounds me. For those of you scratching your heads, Know Your Meme has a pretty decent blow-by-blow.

Tweens posting tell all video diaries on YouTube is nothing new. It’s unfortunate that Jessi has been exposed to some of the things she discusses at such a young age (she’s 11), but that has little to do with the meme itself. However, it does relate to her ability to behave in this manner without full awareness of what she was exposing herself to. Specifically, her parents had absolutely no idea what she was up to online, and regardless of their individual Internet prowess (or ignorance), they seemingly ignored some red flags that should’ve alerted them to dig a little deeper.

First, the fact that she was spending so much time on a web cam that’s connected to the Internet. Now, I don’t expect them to fully understand the culture and inner workings of the Internet, it’s not their thing and I get that. But, if your 11 year old daughter is spending time on a camera attached to something you don’t fully understand, isn’t that a clue that you might want to engage with her? Yes, it can be difficult as someone approaches the teenage years, but still…Some of this could have gone a long way.

Let’s face it, her parents aren’t solely to blame. Everyone involved carries some of that weight. /b/ is certainly responsible for a good portion of the outcome here.

But none of this is what confounds me. What confounds me is that we are all somehow involved in the perpetual meme play that drives this sort of thing in one way or another. I’m not saying this directly drove the bullying and harassment of Jessi Slaughter, but the need for “watercooler” conversations in the forms of links to memes that can be shared to friends does help push this sort of thing along.

My initial reaction to /b/’s involvement here was, “Well, what do you expect from /b/?” But that’s not right. In fact, it’s dismissive in a way that allows this type of behavior to persist. Granted, not all memes are harmful. But an anonymized crowd’s decision to punish an 11 year old girl, regardless of what she’s said or done online, is a frightening concept, and it’s something that we as a culture need to recognize and address.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her ‘sexual past’ and her ‘sexual history’ and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they’re true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can’t believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn’t get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn’t make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom’s parts.

    • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

      In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

      “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

      My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I’d want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I’m not scene, I’m not emo…I’m nothing. I don’t even choose labels. I don’t. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I’m not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I’m just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it’s absolutely shattering.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=618496145 Esther Arellano Harlow

    The thing that really bugs me about this whole thing is not a single news source that you reference – the Know Your Meme thing, the Good Morning America segment they link – is that they all refer to her 'sexual past' and her 'sexual history' and allude to the fact that no one really denied the allegations about her and the singer-which if they're true, are RAPE. And her outlandish, attention seeking behavior makes a LOT more sense if you look at it from the perspective of an 11 year old who has been sexually victimized. I dunno, I can't believe the parents did not TAKE AWAY her computer and cam and lock them up somewhere where she couldn't get at them from the moment they had any inkling of what was going on. the fact that the dad came and yelled at the camera? He just escalated things. That doesn't make it her or his fault that people went on to do (possibly illegal and certainly awful) things but that was really, really, really, really poor decision making on his & mom's parts.

  • http://cineoctoboo.com/ mario

    In my reading, many of these sites have avoided the reference of the allegations because there are ongoing investigations taking place. I certainly hope that they are being done with diligence, and with Jessi in mind, because you are absolutely right about behavior in relation to sexual assault.

    I totally agree that “blame” in this scenario is a little tough to assess. The parental decision-making seems flawed from the get-go. Like I said, if my daughter were spending a substantial amount of time online (webcam or not), I'd want to be engaged with her about it. As a parent its important to do so. But flawed logic could be traced further back. What was a 10-11 year old doing at a concert?

    The fact that /b/ is able to perpetrate this sort of thing is wildly dangerous and scary. For example, withdraw the essence of her behavior, the things she said, etc. and just look at it simply from a perspective of “online expression.” Anyone publishing anything could potentially become a target if an anonymous group deems you “too stupid” and “deserving of punishment and humiliation.” At the end of the day, she is an 11 year old — despite flawed parenting, despite her attitude online, and despite the allegations of sexual assault. One sentence from her original rant stands out to me as being completely nacent, yet acted as a trigger for everything that followed:

    “I'm not scene, I'm not emo…I'm nothing. I don't even choose labels. I don't. [voice breaks up emotionally] I do not. And if you guys consider and label me and shit, then you guys are the actual poseurs. And I'm not a poseur. How can I be a poseur when I'm just being myself?“

    My take is, this was a girl who was incredibly fascinated with a band, struggling to define herself, and was being criticized for being a poseur amongst a community of fans. You can tell this bothers her on an emotional level, and this is likely what drove some of her behavior and attempts to express herself online.

    The fact that another group of human beings collectively sought to destroy someone for being who they are is…Well, it's absolutely shattering.